Stupid & Funny from Around the World
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Hakwa Nadro
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Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
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THE DUCK AND THE LAWYER
A high-powered city lawyer went duck hunting in the backwoods of northern Minnesota. He fired a shot, and the duck tumbled… right into a farmer’s field across a fence.
The lawyer climbed over to retrieve it, but an old farmer rolled up on his tractor and asked,
“What do you think you’re doing on my land?”
The lawyer puffed out his chest.
“I shot a duck, it landed here, and now I’m taking it. Step aside.”
The farmer shook his head.
“This is my property. That bird stays.”
The lawyer sneered.
“Listen, old man, I’m one of the top trial attorneys in the country. If you don’t let me take my duck, I’ll sue you for everything you own.”
The farmer just chuckled.
“Clearly, you don’t know how we settle disputes around here. We use the Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer frowned. “The what?”
The farmer explained, “It’s simple. Since the fight’s on my land, I kick you three times. Then you kick me three times. We go back and forth until somebody gives up.”
The lawyer smirked, thinking this frail old-timer would be no match. “Fine. Let’s do it.”
The farmer climbed down slowly from his tractor, walked right up, and—
WHAM! A steel-toed boot nailed the lawyer in the groin. He collapsed in agony.
WHACK! The second kick buried itself in his stomach, and his lunch came right back up.
SPLAT! The third kick sent him face-first into a steaming fresh cow pie.
The lawyer groaned, shaking, but somehow staggered to his feet, covered in mud and manure. Wiping his face, he growled, “All right, old man… now it’s MY turn.”
The farmer tipped his hat, grinned, and said:
“Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
A high-powered city lawyer went duck hunting in the backwoods of northern Minnesota. He fired a shot, and the duck tumbled… right into a farmer’s field across a fence.
The lawyer climbed over to retrieve it, but an old farmer rolled up on his tractor and asked,
“What do you think you’re doing on my land?”
The lawyer puffed out his chest.
“I shot a duck, it landed here, and now I’m taking it. Step aside.”
The farmer shook his head.
“This is my property. That bird stays.”
The lawyer sneered.
“Listen, old man, I’m one of the top trial attorneys in the country. If you don’t let me take my duck, I’ll sue you for everything you own.”
The farmer just chuckled.
“Clearly, you don’t know how we settle disputes around here. We use the Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer frowned. “The what?”
The farmer explained, “It’s simple. Since the fight’s on my land, I kick you three times. Then you kick me three times. We go back and forth until somebody gives up.”
The lawyer smirked, thinking this frail old-timer would be no match. “Fine. Let’s do it.”
The farmer climbed down slowly from his tractor, walked right up, and—
WHAM! A steel-toed boot nailed the lawyer in the groin. He collapsed in agony.
WHACK! The second kick buried itself in his stomach, and his lunch came right back up.
SPLAT! The third kick sent him face-first into a steaming fresh cow pie.
The lawyer groaned, shaking, but somehow staggered to his feet, covered in mud and manure. Wiping his face, he growled, “All right, old man… now it’s MY turn.”
The farmer tipped his hat, grinned, and said:
“Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
The Island Miracle
After ten long years stranded alone on a deserted island, a weary man sat staring at the endless horizon, dreaming of civilization.
Then—out of nowhere—a figure appeared in the water, swimming gracefully toward the shore. As she emerged, sunlight glistened off her wetsuit. She pulled off her goggles, revealing a stunning smile.
“Hi there,” she said cheerfully. “Looks like you’ve been here a while.”
The man blinked in disbelief. “You’re real… right? Oh my God, I can’t believe this! I haven’t seen another person in ten years!”
She smiled knowingly. “Ten years, huh? That’s a long time. Tell me… how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
His eyes widened. “Ten years! I’d give anything for one.”
Without a word, she unzipped a small pocket on her wetsuit sleeve and pulled out a pristine pack of cigarettes. She handed him one, and he lit it with trembling hands.
He took a deep drag and sighed. “Heaven. Absolute heaven.”
She grinned. “And how long has it been since you’ve had a drink?”
He looked at her like she was an angel. “Ten years… don’t tell me—”
She unzipped another pocket, pulled out a small silver flask, and handed it over. The man took a sip, coughed, then smiled. “Whisky. Bless you!”
The girl laughed softly, then began unzipping the front of her wetsuit—slowly. “So,” she said teasingly, “how long has it been since you’ve… played around a little?”
The man’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide with anticipation.
Then he gasped. “Oh my God… don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too!”
After ten long years stranded alone on a deserted island, a weary man sat staring at the endless horizon, dreaming of civilization.
Then—out of nowhere—a figure appeared in the water, swimming gracefully toward the shore. As she emerged, sunlight glistened off her wetsuit. She pulled off her goggles, revealing a stunning smile.
“Hi there,” she said cheerfully. “Looks like you’ve been here a while.”
The man blinked in disbelief. “You’re real… right? Oh my God, I can’t believe this! I haven’t seen another person in ten years!”
She smiled knowingly. “Ten years, huh? That’s a long time. Tell me… how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
His eyes widened. “Ten years! I’d give anything for one.”
Without a word, she unzipped a small pocket on her wetsuit sleeve and pulled out a pristine pack of cigarettes. She handed him one, and he lit it with trembling hands.
He took a deep drag and sighed. “Heaven. Absolute heaven.”
She grinned. “And how long has it been since you’ve had a drink?”
He looked at her like she was an angel. “Ten years… don’t tell me—”
She unzipped another pocket, pulled out a small silver flask, and handed it over. The man took a sip, coughed, then smiled. “Whisky. Bless you!”
The girl laughed softly, then began unzipping the front of her wetsuit—slowly. “So,” she said teasingly, “how long has it been since you’ve… played around a little?”
The man’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide with anticipation.
Then he gasped. “Oh my God… don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too!”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
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A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f—king widow."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f—king widow."
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier:
He said to the female whale. "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look." She said "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
He said to the female whale. "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look." She said "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
Hakwa Nadro
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