Stupid & Funny from Around the World

[Hakwa Nadro]

A 79-year-old UK millionaire, Sir Benjamin Slade, is back in the news — this time for searching for a much younger woman to help him have a male heir.
He’s offering $65,000 a year, plus accommodation on his 1,300-acre estate… but the conditions are wild.
He won’t accept women who are Scorpios, Guardian readers, or from countries whose flag has green. Extra points if she has a helicopter licence or works in law.
Slade already has a daughter, but insists he needs a male heir to inherit his baronet title and fortune.
And yes — he says he has nine months of frozen sperm ready to go.
The internet is calling it the most bizarre job posting of the year.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Believe it or not, the high heel wasn't first worn by women of high society, but by men of war. The original purpose was entirely practical, designed for male soldiers on the battlefield. It's a surprising turn of history for what is now a fashion staple.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Joke of The Day

The Postcards Mom Will Never Forget
A mother had three virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession. Since the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from their honeymoon with just a few words describing what had happened.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: “Nescafé.”
The mother was puzzled at first… so she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafé jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.”
Mom blushed, but she was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent a postcard from Vermont a week after the wedding.
It read: “Rothmans.”
The mother found her husband’s cigarette pack and read the label: “Extra Long. King Size.”
She was slightly embarrassed, but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand.
Mom waited a week—nothing.
Another week passed—still nothing.
A whole month went by before a card finally arrived.
Written on it, in shaky handwriting, were the words: “Air New Zealand.”
Mom grabbed her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages in fear, and finally found the ad for Air New Zealand.
It said: “Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”
Mom fainted.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

A man flying in a hot-air balloon suddenly realized he was completely lost. He dropped lower and spotted a woman walking below. Drifting down a bit more, he called out:

“Excuse me! Can you help me? I’m supposed to meet a friend, I’m an hour late, and I have no idea where I am.”

She looked up and replied,
“You’re in a hot-air balloon, about thirty feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a software engineer,” he said.

“I am. How did you know?”

“Because your answer is technically perfect, painfully detailed… and absolutely useless to me. I still have no clue what to do next. Honestly, that didn’t help at all.”

“And you must be a manager,” she replied calmly.

“Yeah… how’d you figure that out?”

“Because you have no idea where you are or where you’re going. You got up there on hot air. You made promises you don’t know how to keep. And now you expect people on the ground to fix the situation for you. And in the end, you’re in the exact same place you were before talking to me — except now you think it’s my fault.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

A late evening in an apartment hallway. A man rings the doorbell.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, honey. Open up.”

“‘Me’ who?”

“Your husband.”

“Oh, give me a break, you drunk! You’re buzzed again and now— ‘Honey, let me in!’”

“We just hung out a little… with some old classmates…”

“Classmates, yeah right. Not happening! Go sleep wherever you were drinking!”

A neighbor opens his door.

“Hey, Mike! Locked out again?”

“Hey. Yeah… she’s not letting me in.”

“My wife’s visiting her mom. Come over, we can hang out at my place.”

From behind the closed door:
“Yeah, go ahead! Go spend the night there!”

“You hear that? She approved. Come over. Tomorrow you can try again.”

From behind the door:
“And tomorrow I won’t let you in either!”

Another door opens. A woman steps out.

“Good evening, Mr. Michaelson! I heard your wife won’t let you in…”

“Good evening, Mrs. Rivera. Yeah… she won’t.”

“Well… if you need a place to stay, you can spend the night at my apartment. I live alone…”

“Thank you, Mrs. Rivera, you’re very kind…”

From behind the door:
“Oh, so that’s who you are — homewrecker!”

The door swings open with a bang.

“You! Inside! Now!”

The neighbor smirks.
“Well, Mike, you’re home! Couldn’t have done it without me.”

“Are you coming in or what?! Don’t just stand there like a statue!” — his wife barks.

The door slams shut. Two neighbors remain in the hall.

“Well, that’s how we ‘reinstated’ Mike into his own home. I couldn’t have pulled it off alone.”

“Neighbors have to look out for each other. And we’re good neighbors.”

“…So, Mrs. Rivera… since we’re helping each other… maybe I could stay at your place tonight?”

“Let’s stick to being good neighbors, Mr. Thompson. Nothing extra.”

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Joke of the Day

Three very different couples want to get married at the same church. There is a very young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple of over 70. All three couples meet with the priest of the church to discuss when and how they can get married.
“In order to get married in my church, I have one rule, you really have to go one month without making love,” says the priest to the couples.
After one month all three couples return to the church to talk with the priest again. The priest starts with the young couple, and asks them;
“Did you make love in the last month after you came here first?”
“No we haven’t, and it was very easy to our own surprise,” replies the young couple.
He then turned to the middle-aged couple “How about you?” He asks the couple.
“It was really hard Father, but we didn’t make love for the whole month,” replies the middle-aged couple.
“And how about the two of you?” He then asks the elderly couple.
“I’m really sorry Father, but we just couldn’t make it till the end,” responds the old man.
“Not??? Then please tell me why not,” says the priest.
“Well Father, my woman had a can of soup in her hand when she accidentally dropped it on the floor. And when she bent over to pick it up again, well, that’s when it happened Father.”
The priest, still a bit in shock, then tells them, “I’m sorry, but in that case, you’re not welcome in my church to get married.”
“We’re also not welcome in the supermarket anymore either,” says the old man.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of the Day

An elderly woman went to buy some cat food and picked up three cans, only to be stopped by the cashier. "I'm sorry," the cashier said, "but we can't sell this to you without proof that you own a cat.

Unfortunately, some seniors have been buying cat food for themselves to eat, and management requires proof that it's for your pet."
Unfazed, the woman went home, fetched her cat, and returned to the store. With her furry friend in tow, she was finally allowed to purchase the cat food.

The next day, she returned to buy two cans of dog food. Again, the cashier insisted on proof of pet ownership. So, the determined woman went home, brought in her dog, and successfully purchased the dog food.

On the third day, the woman returned to the store carrying a small box with a hole in the lid. Handing it to the cashier, she said, "Would you please put your finger in the hole?"

The cashier hesitated. "No way, there might be a snake in there!"
The woman reassured her, "There's nothing in there that could hurt you, I promise."

Reluctantly, the cashier inserted her finger into the hole, only to quickly pull it out, exclaiming, "That smells awful!"
With a satisfied grin, the elderly woman responded, "Exactly. Now, may I please buy two rolls of toilet paper?"

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of The Day
A police officer attempts to stop a biker for speeding, but the biker gradually increases his speed until he’s going over 100 mph.
Eventually, the biker realizes he can’t escape and pulls over.

The cop approaches and says, "It's been a long day, and my shift is almost over. If you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The biker thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to return her!"

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of the Day

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: Then you use to bite my neck”

Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of the Day

A sales rep, an admin clerk, and their manager found a dusty lamp while heading to lunch. They rubbed it, and a genie appeared, offering one wish per person.

The admin clerk quickly wished, “I want to be in the Bahamas, on a speedboat, without a care in the world!” *Poof!* She vanished.
The sales rep followed, “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with endless Piña Coladas!” *Poof!* He disappeared.
Finally, the manager said, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of the Day

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring. "Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.

"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."

A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat. Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks. She replies "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."

Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari....... You guessed it: Her share of the lottery winnings....

That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug. "What the f*ck is this?" she asks her husband.

"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your frickin' lottery ticket wet, do we??"

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Joke of the Day

A mother-in-law stopped by the recently married couple’s house unexpectedly. She rang the doorbell and stepped inside, where she saw her daughter-in-law standing without clothes by the door.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re without clothes!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my Love Dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love Dress? But you’re without clothes! This is inappropriate!”

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy, and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.” The mother-in-law, tired of all this romantic talk, left.

On the way home, she thought about the Love Dress. When she got home, she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, and waited by the front door.

Finally, her husband got home. He walked in and saw her standing without clothes by the door.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.

“This is my Love Dress,” she replied.

“Needs ironing,” he said.

 

[Hakwa Nadro]

Our Joke of the Day

A little old lady was strolling down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags had a small tear, and every so often, a $20 bill would slip out onto the sidewalk.

A policeman noticed this and hurried over. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he said, “but you’ve got $20 bills falling out of your bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn it!” the old lady exclaimed. “Thank you for letting me know, Officer. I’ll go back and see if I can find them.”

The cop, now a bit suspicious, stopped her. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no,” she replied with a chuckle. “Nothing like that. You see, my backyard backs up to a golf course. A lot of golfers come by and, well, relieve themselves through a knothole in my fence, right into my flower garden. Used to drive me crazy—ruined my flowers, you know. Then I had an idea.”

She leaned in conspiratorially. “I started waiting behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Whenever a golfer sticks his business through the knothole, I grab it and say, ‘Alright, buddy, $20 or it’s coming off!’”

The cop burst out laughing. “That’s… well, that’s certainly creative! I’ve got to hand it to you, that’s some clever thinking. But, uh,” he added, pointing to the other bag, “what’s in that one?”

The old lady gave him a sly grin and said, “Not everyone pays.”