Stupid & Funny from Around the World
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Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Bob gets lost in the desert. He does not have any food on him and has already licked the last drop of water from his water-bottle two days ago. He is about to give up all hope of survival when he hears some sounds from the distance.
He listens hard and what sounds like dogs barking, seems to get nearer and nearer
and tries to lift himself from the ground to take a look at the source of the sound. He is sure he is hallucinating when suddenly, out of nowhere, an Eskimo in a fur coat appears on a sled dragged by snow dog.
He rubs his eyes and takes another look. and sure enough, there is an Eskimo standing right over him. He calls out to the Eskimo in a broken voice and says, "Help!".
The Eskimo and his snow dogs surround him and Khan manages to say weakly, "I have no idea how or why you are here, but am sure glad to see you. I have been roaming in the desert for days without food and water and I am totally lost."
The Eskimo, wiping the sweat from his forehead, comments, "You think you are lost!!!"
He listens hard and what sounds like dogs barking, seems to get nearer and nearer
and tries to lift himself from the ground to take a look at the source of the sound. He is sure he is hallucinating when suddenly, out of nowhere, an Eskimo in a fur coat appears on a sled dragged by snow dog.
He rubs his eyes and takes another look. and sure enough, there is an Eskimo standing right over him. He calls out to the Eskimo in a broken voice and says, "Help!".
The Eskimo and his snow dogs surround him and Khan manages to say weakly, "I have no idea how or why you are here, but am sure glad to see you. I have been roaming in the desert for days without food and water and I am totally lost."
The Eskimo, wiping the sweat from his forehead, comments, "You think you are lost!!!"
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Just a joke. Don’t take marriage advice from this post
A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she asked him to shave off his beard.
“Oh, Brian,” she said. “Please shave it off. I want to see all of your handsome face.”
“I can’t,” Brian replied. “My wife loves this beard. She’d kill me if I shaved it off!”
“Please…” she pleaded in a teasing voice.
Brian finally gives in and shaves off the beard.
Later that night, Brian crawls into bed while his wife is sleeping. She wakes up and feels his face in the dark. Then she says,
“Oh, Kevin, you shouldn’t be here now. Brian will be home shortly!”
A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she asked him to shave off his beard.
“Oh, Brian,” she said. “Please shave it off. I want to see all of your handsome face.”
“I can’t,” Brian replied. “My wife loves this beard. She’d kill me if I shaved it off!”
“Please…” she pleaded in a teasing voice.
Brian finally gives in and shaves off the beard.
Later that night, Brian crawls into bed while his wife is sleeping. She wakes up and feels his face in the dark. Then she says,
“Oh, Kevin, you shouldn’t be here now. Brian will be home shortly!”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
A blonde walks into a bank in Dublin and asks to see the manager. She says she's going to Dubai on business for two weeks and needs to borrow €5,000.
The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on double yellow on the street in front of the bank, she has the log book and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The manager and the bank clerks all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a €200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a €5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage just before the clampers arrive and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the €5,000 and the interest, which comes to €17.41.
The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow €5,000?'
The blonde replies...'Where else in Dublin City can I park my car for two weeks for only €17.41 and expect it to be there when I return?'
Hooray! A smart blonde joke at last!!
The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on double yellow on the street in front of the bank, she has the log book and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The manager and the bank clerks all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a €200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a €5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage just before the clampers arrive and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the €5,000 and the interest, which comes to €17.41.
The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow €5,000?'
The blonde replies...'Where else in Dublin City can I park my car for two weeks for only €17.41 and expect it to be there when I return?'
Hooray! A smart blonde joke at last!!
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
A small church had a very attractive big-breasted organist - Mary, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Mary very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some special green peppers and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green peppers, because they are so strong they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The big-breasted organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the priest walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Mary very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some special green peppers and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green peppers, because they are so strong they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The big-breasted organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the priest walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Frank the farmer had a nagging wife. She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.
One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank’s old donkey kicked up his back legs, struck her in the head killing her instantly.
At the funeral, the Priest noticed that when the women offered their sympathy, Frank would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
After the mourners left, the Priest approached Frank and asked, “Why did you nod your head up and down to all the women and shook from side to side to all the men?”
Well, Frank replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. And all the men asked, “Is that donkey for sale?”
--
One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank’s old donkey kicked up his back legs, struck her in the head killing her instantly.
At the funeral, the Priest noticed that when the women offered their sympathy, Frank would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
After the mourners left, the Priest approached Frank and asked, “Why did you nod your head up and down to all the women and shook from side to side to all the men?”
Well, Frank replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. And all the men asked, “Is that donkey for sale?”
--
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that."' She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescriptio...
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Back in the day a couple take in a young and pretty American tourist as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
So she agreed to have a bath the following Monday....
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched her get undressed. She was surprised to see that the young lady didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don't go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."
So the following Monday, while the tourist got undressed, the wife asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," she replied. "I use Immac hair remover, burns a bit though. Do you have a hairy douche?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:
"Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
So she agreed to have a bath the following Monday....
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched her get undressed. She was surprised to see that the young lady didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don't go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."
So the following Monday, while the tourist got undressed, the wife asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," she replied. "I use Immac hair remover, burns a bit though. Do you have a hairy douche?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:
"Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me had a split personality and charged me 160 for the visit.
Well I gave her 80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
Well I gave her 80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
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