Stupid & Funny from Around the World
- Thread starter ghazi52
- Start date
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S.
NOTE: [WORDS IN (** )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.
17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S.
NOTE: [WORDS IN (** )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.
17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cooks."
He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once again, Senor."
While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews."
Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."
The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... All we have is Orange Jews, Grapefruit Jews, Prune Jews, Apple Jews, and Tomato Jews!"
Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cooks."
He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once again, Senor."
While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews."
Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."
The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... All we have is Orange Jews, Grapefruit Jews, Prune Jews, Apple Jews, and Tomato Jews!"
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Porn gives young people unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of how fast a plumber will come to your house!
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.
She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”
“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”
He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He hands her a second set of teeth that are too small. Finally, the third set fits just right.
“Thank you so much,” the old woman says. “Do you have a business card? I’ve been looking for a good dentist for some time.”
“Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replies. “I’m an undertaker.”
She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”
“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”
He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He hands her a second set of teeth that are too small. Finally, the third set fits just right.
“Thank you so much,” the old woman says. “Do you have a business card? I’ve been looking for a good dentist for some time.”
“Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replies. “I’m an undertaker.”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
A man makes a bet with his boss
He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball.
Laughing the boss agrees.
The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it.
The boss angrily gives him the $500.
The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears.
The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake ones, then agrees.
The man takes out a set of fake teeth from his mouth and bites his ear with them.
Angry, the boss gives him $500 and tells him to go away.
The next day, the man comes back.
Boss: What now? Didn't you take enough money from me?
Man: Trust me. This one should be easy. I bet you all your money back that you are wearing purple underwear.
Boss: Haha! My underwear is black!
Man: May I see some proof?
The boss goes to the washroom and brings back his underwear in his hands.
The man cheerfully hands $1000 to the boss.
Boss: Why are you so happy?
Man: Look around you. All around the office's glass walls your 43 employees are watching.
Boss: And..?
Man: I bet each of them $500 that I can make you take off your underwear.
He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball.
Laughing the boss agrees.
The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it.
The boss angrily gives him the $500.
The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears.
The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake ones, then agrees.
The man takes out a set of fake teeth from his mouth and bites his ear with them.
Angry, the boss gives him $500 and tells him to go away.
The next day, the man comes back.
Boss: What now? Didn't you take enough money from me?
Man: Trust me. This one should be easy. I bet you all your money back that you are wearing purple underwear.
Boss: Haha! My underwear is black!
Man: May I see some proof?
The boss goes to the washroom and brings back his underwear in his hands.
The man cheerfully hands $1000 to the boss.
Boss: Why are you so happy?
Man: Look around you. All around the office's glass walls your 43 employees are watching.
Boss: And..?
Man: I bet each of them $500 that I can make you take off your underwear.
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