Stupid & Funny from Around the World

A man is driving down a deserted highway when he spots a sign:
“Sisters of St. Francis - House of Prostitution - 10 Miles.”
He shakes it off as his imagination… until he sees another sign:
Sisters of St. Francis - House of Prostitution - 5 Miles.
Then another:
Sisters of St. Francis - House of Prostitution - Next Right.
Curiosity wins. He turns in and finds a stone building with a small sign that simply reads:
Sisters of St. Francis.
He rings the bell. A nun opens the door and asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”
He replies, “I saw the signs and was interested in doing erm... business…”
The Nun smiles politely "Very well,” she says. “Please follow me.”
She leads him through twisting hallways until they stop at a door.
“Knock,” she says.
Another nun opens it, holding a tin cup.
“Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hall.”
He happily drops the money in, rushes down the hall, and goes through the door.
CLICK.
The door locks behind him. He’s back in the parking lot, staring at a sign that reads:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
MAY GOD BE WITH YOU SINNER!
😂


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Click to expand...
 
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.
She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."
Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."
Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do
you want to play?"
"I wanna play 'Mummy and Daddy,'" Little Johnny whines in reply.
Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"
Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap."
Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mum goes upstairs. Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He puts on his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.
His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now?"
In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"







 
One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering,
the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing
$1,000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected
and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the
plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by
curiosity, approached her.
“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week
in the collection plate,” he stated.
“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money
and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are
you sure you can afford this and how much does he send you?”
The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what
does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.
“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made
that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice”
The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada where he has two
cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”
 
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