Stupid & Funny from Around the World

### Roger's Endless Energy

Jenny had married Roger, a man much older than her, and she couldn’t help but worry about his health. To ensure he didn’t over-exert himself, she decided they should have separate bedrooms after the wedding.

That night, after the celebrations, Jenny slipped into her bed, ready for a good night’s sleep. Before long, there was a knock at her door. Opening it, she found Roger, her 85-year-old groom, standing there with a charming smile and a twinkle in his eye, clearly ready for some romantic time together.

They enjoyed each other’s company, and afterward, Roger kissed her goodnight and left.

Jenny was just drifting off when she heard another knock. To her surprise, it was Roger again, just as energetic as before. She laughed and welcomed him in for round two.

Once more, they said their goodnights, and Roger left. Jenny settled back into bed, convinced she could finally rest—until she heard yet another knock at her door.

It was Roger again, as lively as ever. Jenny couldn’t help but laugh as they shared another intimate moment.

Afterward, she looked at him in amazement. “I’m so impressed!” she said. “At your age, you have more stamina than men a third your age. You’re absolutely incredible!”

Roger paused, his expression turning thoughtful. “Wait,” he said, scratching his head. “You mean I’ve been here before?”
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This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
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This one and the next are our personal favorites!
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
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And last but not least!
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
 
😂
😂
😂

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise, she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?” “Well, no,” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.” “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
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Our Joke of the Day
🤣
🤣
🤣

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now.
It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
"How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "Its really spoiled my need for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving."
 
A young man, feeling a bit insecure, decides to boost his "endowment" with a bold procedure—using tissue from an elephant’s trunk. The surgery’s a success, and he’s feeling like the king of the jungle. On his first date post-op, he’s at a fancy restaurant, charming his date, when suddenly, his pants start to wiggle. To his horror, his new "endowment" snakes up onto the table, grabs a bread roll, and yanks it back down! His date gasps, eyes wide, and says, “That was… impressive! Can you do it again?” Blushing and tears streaming down his face, he mutters, “I could, but I don’t think I can stick another roll up my ass!”
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Use a drone to pick up packages and keep an eye on the kids.

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نواب آف کالا باغ بیمار پڑ گئے اُن کے ذاتی معالج نے پراسٹیٹ کینسر کا خدشہ ظاہر کیا اور کہا اُن کا علاج صرف لندن میں ہی ممکن ھے۔

نواب صاحب لندن جانے پر راضی ھو گئے تو اُن کے معالج نے لندن کے ایک مشہور ماہر سرطان (ڈاکٹر) جو اُن کے استاد بھی تھے سے اپوائنٹمینٹ لی اور نواب صاحب کو لے کر لندن چلے گئے ۔۔

مقررہ دن اور وقت پر گورا ڈاکٹر، نواب صاحب کو چیکنگ رُوم میں لے گیا , آدھے گھنٹے کی چیکنگ کے بعد باھر نکلا تو کافی پُرسکون اور مطمئن تھا ۔۔

اُس نے بتایا کہ پراسٹیٹ کینسر نہیں ھے میں نے دوا تجویز کر دی ھے , ہدایت کے مطابق ایک ماہ تک استعمال کرتے رہیں آرام آجائے گا، اور مزید مشورے کی ضرورت پڑے تو فون پہ بات کر لینا ۔۔

رخصت ہونے سے قبل گورے ڈاکٹر نے نواب صاحب کے ذاتی معالج یعنی اپنے شاگرد کو بازُو سے پکڑا اور ایک طرف لے جا کر اُس سے شکوہ کیا “ مجھے تو تم پر فخر تھا تم میرے بہت قابل شاگرد ہو مگر تم نے تو آج مجھے بہت مایوس کیا، جب صرف ایک اُنگلی مریض کی Rectum میں ڈال کر پتہ چل سکتا تھا کہ اُسے پراسٹیٹ کینسر ہے یا نہیں تو تم اُسے اتنے پیسے خرچ کر کے اتنی دُور میرے پاس لندن کیوں لے کر آئے ؟

نواب صاحب کے معالج نے جواب دیا

سر جس جگہ آپ نےاُنگلی دی میں اگر پاکستان میں نواب صاحب کو اُس جگہ اُنگلی دیتا اُنہوں نے میرا پورا خاندان مروا دینا تھا سو مجھے مجبوراً اُنہیں اُنگلی دلوانے آپ کے پاس لانا پڑا ۔۔

( جو پاکستانی سیاست دان لندن علاج کرانے جاتے ھیں ان سے اس تحریر کا کوئی تعلق نہیں )
 
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