Stupid & Funny from Around the World
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Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Confession Time…
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day, her 9-year-old son came home early, saw what was going on, and quietly hid in the bedroom closet to watch.
A little later, the husband unexpectedly came home, so the woman shoved her lover into the closet — not realizing her son was already hiding in there.
The boy whispered,
“It’s dark in here.”
The man replied,
“Yes… it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “…OK. How much?”
Boy: “$250.”
A few weeks later, it happened again — the boy and the lover ended up in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Remembering last time, the man asked,
“How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”
A few days later, the father said,
“Grab your glove — let’s go play catch.”
The boy replied,
“I can’t. I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asked,
“How much did you sell them for?”
Boy: “$1,000.”
The father was furious.
“That’s terrible! You way overcharged your friends. I’m taking you to church to confess!”
At church, the father put the boy into the confession booth and closed the door.
The boy whispered,
“Dark in here.”
The priest replied,
“Don’t start that sh*t again!”
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day, her 9-year-old son came home early, saw what was going on, and quietly hid in the bedroom closet to watch.
A little later, the husband unexpectedly came home, so the woman shoved her lover into the closet — not realizing her son was already hiding in there.
The boy whispered,
“It’s dark in here.”
The man replied,
“Yes… it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “…OK. How much?”
Boy: “$250.”
A few weeks later, it happened again — the boy and the lover ended up in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Remembering last time, the man asked,
“How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”
A few days later, the father said,
“Grab your glove — let’s go play catch.”
The boy replied,
“I can’t. I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asked,
“How much did you sell them for?”
Boy: “$1,000.”
The father was furious.
“That’s terrible! You way overcharged your friends. I’m taking you to church to confess!”
At church, the father put the boy into the confession booth and closed the door.
The boy whispered,
“Dark in here.”
The priest replied,
“Don’t start that sh*t again!”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Deserted Island
An Irishman had been stranded alone on a deserted island for over ten years. One hot afternoon, he spotted a tiny speck on the horizon.
“Surely it’s not a ship,” he muttered.
As the speck drew closer, he ruled out a boat. Then a raft. Finally, out of the surf rose a figure in a black wetsuit, peeling off scuba gear.
And standing before him… was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde.
She strode up to the stunned Irishman and purred, “Tell me, how long has it been since you had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he gasped.
With a smile, she unzipped a pocket on her wetsuit sleeve and pulled out a fresh pack. He lit one, took a long drag, and nearly wept.
“Faith and begorrah… I’d forgotten how sweet a smoke can be!”
The blonde leaned closer. “And how long has it been since you had a sip of good Irish whiskey?”
His voice shook. “Ten years.”
She unzipped the other sleeve, pulled out a flask, and handed it over. He took a long drink and cried, “’Tis the nectar of the gods!”
Then, with a slow, teasing smile, she began unzipping the long front of her wetsuit.
Her eyes sparkled as she whispered, “And tell me… how long has it been since you had a little fun?”
Tears filled the Irishman’s eyes. He dropped to his knees and sobbed,
“Sweet Jesus… don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”
An Irishman had been stranded alone on a deserted island for over ten years. One hot afternoon, he spotted a tiny speck on the horizon.
“Surely it’s not a ship,” he muttered.
As the speck drew closer, he ruled out a boat. Then a raft. Finally, out of the surf rose a figure in a black wetsuit, peeling off scuba gear.
And standing before him… was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde.
She strode up to the stunned Irishman and purred, “Tell me, how long has it been since you had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he gasped.
With a smile, she unzipped a pocket on her wetsuit sleeve and pulled out a fresh pack. He lit one, took a long drag, and nearly wept.
“Faith and begorrah… I’d forgotten how sweet a smoke can be!”
The blonde leaned closer. “And how long has it been since you had a sip of good Irish whiskey?”
His voice shook. “Ten years.”
She unzipped the other sleeve, pulled out a flask, and handed it over. He took a long drink and cried, “’Tis the nectar of the gods!”
Then, with a slow, teasing smile, she began unzipping the long front of her wetsuit.
Her eyes sparkled as she whispered, “And tell me… how long has it been since you had a little fun?”
Tears filled the Irishman’s eyes. He dropped to his knees and sobbed,
“Sweet Jesus… don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
Not long ago in France, a gym put up a poster in its window. The ad showed a young, thin, tanned woman in a bikini with the caption:
“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman, who clearly didn’t fit the ad’s “ideal,” decided to respond publicly. Her letter went viral:
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends—dolphins, sea lions, even curious humans. They travel in pods, never alone.
They have an active love life, get pregnant, and raise the most adorable baby whales. They feast on shrimp, splash with dolphins, and swim across oceans visiting spectacular places—Patagonia, the Bering Sea, the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are singers. They’ve even released CDs. They’re majestic, admired, and protected across the globe. Apart from humans, they have no predators.
Mermaids? They don’t exist. But if they did, they’d probably be in therapy—fish or human, who am I really? Not to mention, they don’t have a love life (they drown men, for crying out loud). They don’t have children. And honestly—who wants to cuddle someone who smells like the fish market?
So for me, the choice is clear: I’d rather be a whale.
P.S. The media keeps telling us only skinny bodies are beautiful. I disagree. I’d rather enjoy an ice cream with my kids, share a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and laugh over chocolate with my friends.
And let’s be honest—when we gain weight with age, it’s not fat, it’s wisdom. When the brain overflows, it spreads out into the body. So no, we’re not heavy… we’re enormously cultured, educated, and happy.
From now on, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I won’t sigh. I’ll smile and think:
“Good grief, look how smart I am!
“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman, who clearly didn’t fit the ad’s “ideal,” decided to respond publicly. Her letter went viral:
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends—dolphins, sea lions, even curious humans. They travel in pods, never alone.
They have an active love life, get pregnant, and raise the most adorable baby whales. They feast on shrimp, splash with dolphins, and swim across oceans visiting spectacular places—Patagonia, the Bering Sea, the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are singers. They’ve even released CDs. They’re majestic, admired, and protected across the globe. Apart from humans, they have no predators.
Mermaids? They don’t exist. But if they did, they’d probably be in therapy—fish or human, who am I really? Not to mention, they don’t have a love life (they drown men, for crying out loud). They don’t have children. And honestly—who wants to cuddle someone who smells like the fish market?
So for me, the choice is clear: I’d rather be a whale.
P.S. The media keeps telling us only skinny bodies are beautiful. I disagree. I’d rather enjoy an ice cream with my kids, share a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and laugh over chocolate with my friends.
And let’s be honest—when we gain weight with age, it’s not fat, it’s wisdom. When the brain overflows, it spreads out into the body. So no, we’re not heavy… we’re enormously cultured, educated, and happy.
From now on, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I won’t sigh. I’ll smile and think:
“Good grief, look how smart I am!
Hakwa Nadro
Trusted Member
George, age 83, was about to turn in when his wife peered out the bedroom window.
“Honey, the garage light’s on,” she called.
George shuffled to the back door, cracked it open — and froze. Two men were in the garage, helping themselves to stuff. Calm as a cat, George dialed 911.
“Someone’s in my detached garage,” he told the dispatcher.
“We’re very busy right now,” the operator replied. “Go back inside, lock your door, and an officer will be there when one becomes available.”
George sighed, did exactly as she said—went back inside, shut the door—and waited. He counted to thirty, then picked up the phone again.
“Hello,” he said. “I called about people in my garage a few seconds ago. You don’t need to worry — I just shot them.” Click.
Thirty seconds later the house turned into a scene from a movie: six squad cars, a SWAT truck, a helicopter circling, and an ambulance tearing up the road. The burglars were caught in the act.
One rookie cop, incredulous, asked George, “But you told us you’d shot them!”
George gave him a slow, satisfied grin and said, “Well, you told me no one was available.”
“Honey, the garage light’s on,” she called.
George shuffled to the back door, cracked it open — and froze. Two men were in the garage, helping themselves to stuff. Calm as a cat, George dialed 911.
“Someone’s in my detached garage,” he told the dispatcher.
“We’re very busy right now,” the operator replied. “Go back inside, lock your door, and an officer will be there when one becomes available.”
George sighed, did exactly as she said—went back inside, shut the door—and waited. He counted to thirty, then picked up the phone again.
“Hello,” he said. “I called about people in my garage a few seconds ago. You don’t need to worry — I just shot them.” Click.
Thirty seconds later the house turned into a scene from a movie: six squad cars, a SWAT truck, a helicopter circling, and an ambulance tearing up the road. The burglars were caught in the act.
One rookie cop, incredulous, asked George, “But you told us you’d shot them!”
George gave him a slow, satisfied grin and said, “Well, you told me no one was available.”
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